Weighing In On the Oscars
You know I did not get a chance to weigh in on the Oscars.
Let me let you in on something. The fulfillment of trauma is real.
What do I mean by that? For example, most women have experienced some sort of sexual trauma before the age of 16 to 18 years old; and quiet as it is kept, so do, men.
When a person is traumatized at an early age, something happens within their brain at the moment. At that exact moment, the person will get a signal from the primitive brain the part of the brain that says fight, freeze, or flight. After the trauma and experience are over, and the person is attempting to recover and get over the trauma the mind starts thinking of ways to handle the trauma so the body, mind, and spirit will feel they won't ever have to experience that kind of trauma again in life. The mind is powerful and allows the person to think these things are true and are a bulletproof plan back to reality.
What they do not realize is that the scenarios created, although they make the person feel very reassured and much more confident, the thoughts of the scenarios are not realistic. What the person does not realize is that he/she did not resolve anything. They only put on a coat of skin for protection. Covering up and hiding behind the new identity of who they created themselves to be as a result of the trauma. So, they begin to wear this new coat of skin as if they are actually healed. I call this process The First Trauma, and the activity of creating scenarios for healing, I call The First Transgression. This is where the new narrative takes the traumatized person on a journey to self-discovery. The person has to lose their true identity to find themselves again through the first trauma that put them there.
The first transgression then causes the person to live a version of themselves which I call The False self. This false self has the courage to move forward in life and achieve goals set as a result of the first trauma. The false self is determined and it succeeds in its mission until one day the very thing that put the traumatized person on this journey shows up again to let the traumatized person witness and become aware and understand that they had not moved on at all. The traumatized person discovers that the only thing that has passed is time, but they are still that same traumatized person from many moons ago. I call this moment The AH-HA moment.
The AH-HA moment causes the traumatized person in a situation to face a reality that may be hard to comprehend because now their life looks very different and they feel they are very different inside and may feel that what they did in this AH-HA moment was justified. But it is not. It is a lesson to return to see if the person has learned through their trauma. If they have not, this cycle repeats.
This is what I have examined happened to both Will Smith and Chris Rock. The moment at the Oscars brought them both back to a reality they forgot about in the moment of trauma that had happened to them years ago.
Chris Rock in his youth was bullied and at the Oscars, he told a joke as the comedian he is which disguised his way of bullying. Chris Rock's scenario is that he was going to become one of the greatest comedians in the world, so he would not be bullied anymore. In that scenario, unconsciously, he became the bully to Jada Piket-Smith. As a result of his bullying, he then was faced with what he experienced as a child, someone Will Smith hitting him. Setting Chris Rock back to his worst free of being hit again. This behavior then created the perfect trauma fulfillment for Will Smith as well.
Will Smith, as a young boy, had many traumas, but the one that was in fulfillment that night was the scenario he created by saying he would become the greatest actor in the world so he would never get his heart broken ever again. Will Smith, in honor of his wife Jada, got up to defend her honor, which caused him to fall in the eyes of Hollywood and tainted his image. Both men were now faced with their First traumas being tested to see if they could come out on the other side. I call this part Going through the fire.
Going through the fire is where the traumatized person at this juncture of the AH-HA moment now moves towards going through whatever is necessary to return to the true self that was lost when the very first trauma took place. For Chris Rock, he will have to forgive the bullies in his life, forgive himself, and forgive Will Smith because his way back to his true self is through his forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness seeking no retributions.
Going through the fire for will Smith would be to realize he could never win over a womxn's love, not because chivalry is dead, it's not. But because a womxn must love him for who he is and never expect him to do anything outside of his character to ruin/taint his career. He has to realize that a person has to know love within to give love without. You cannot give what you do not have. It is through realizing this fact that Will Smith will return to his true self.
This is MaMa-FeFe's weigh-in and I'm out.
Peace Out!
